Registration week
Hey, I just got back from going out with my dad. I think I surprise him because we had a deep conversation about my dad in the university. He never stay that long at the dining table but today he did. He listen to my rants about the apartment about people who live in it, friends who want to change faculty and the prices of the books.
I did told him that the book is expensive and I use my piggy bank money to buy the book and the food supply. I told him it's okay I can handle it. I'll use my money to pay for the fees and for all the things that needed money. The whole day my feelings were unsettling and again I feel I accomplish something. I prove that I did something that didn't put burden on my parents that's is I pay for my own fees with my piggy bank money. I feel proud about myself for how I handle things that used to be handle by my parents.
My uncle say he was gonna sponsor me books but the night after we had an awkward and tense dinner. The way he treat me can be seen. (yet still scold me for my behavior right?) So all my mom's sister say shit like "pay for your own, you have money" and "you're the one who's study" I was pretty burning that night. I was going to create a scene but I can't be the rude niece in the family right? 'sighed' I told my mom that if I didn't control my mental state I might cause a scene that they might be angry at me in the end so I just smile at them. While waiting for them to leave, my parents were with me and I told them "don't persuade me if I don't want to go to another family gathering because I might skip it till 2020 and I don't want to see any of this people" Dad were confuse at first. But I told him I can make my own decision now that doesn't consist any things that might violate any rules that had been stated.
I already pack my bags and all I need to do is register my classes and student registration. Also I need to run an errands with N on Sunday. I need the grocery member card so I could run an errand. My parents told me he want to help but I told them it's okay. I can do it on my own. Apparently this prove that I'm actually a young adult not a kid anymore.
Maybe after I've done all of this I'm going to reward myself and I plan what I'm going to do. I'm going to watch how to train your dragon 3! I've been waiting for the movie for a while before the movie "After" If it got banned from my country I just went online to watch it. Thank god the university's wifi work for iflix if it didn't I might spend the whole day sleeping like I don't give a damn ( Housemate hate this shit alot, say I don't have work to do besides sleeping). Apparently I do, I do have works to do it's just I don't want to stress myself. When I stress myself it turn me into someone that I try to prevent.
I try to explain it but they just ignore what I trying to say. I'm healthy on the outside but my head it fill with so many useless things that I shouldn't focus on. By that I use to treat it by writing. Just pour everything out from my brain. It's good because my mom say it's not healthy if you keep it. I prefer people who's anonymous read it. People who know me doesn't understand me. I give up trying to make them understand infact I just be what I want myself to be.
I want to people out there who's despise my accomplishment and also my attendance, I did all of this till this very state because of what I want to do, I'm standing here and be where I am now because of my late grandma's dream, I am here because I want to make my parents proud for who I am, the way my thinking is critical because I just know that I always think critically that always make me overthinking most of the days, I do all of this because on my own will not by force, I observe people around me and turn them into a subject into my head and try to figure them out, I did force myself to like people who I despise the most it took me 3 takes but after the 4th take I gave up trying to force myself to accept someone who I despise the most, I forgive people who deserve it and a second chance, I have social anxiety (still dunno why I want to work at the education), to me not everyone is worth to treat like a piece of shit. People who isn't worth the kindness from the people is the people who can't keep things for themselves, who brag about people and give out their name. It' better they keep it to themselves or their small groups. I think this explanation is the scale of 4 because there's no violent words of any aggressive word in my writing. My idol is my mentor because from how he talk with people and how he interact with people around him impressed me.
ES'138
I did told him that the book is expensive and I use my piggy bank money to buy the book and the food supply. I told him it's okay I can handle it. I'll use my money to pay for the fees and for all the things that needed money. The whole day my feelings were unsettling and again I feel I accomplish something. I prove that I did something that didn't put burden on my parents that's is I pay for my own fees with my piggy bank money. I feel proud about myself for how I handle things that used to be handle by my parents.
My uncle say he was gonna sponsor me books but the night after we had an awkward and tense dinner. The way he treat me can be seen. (yet still scold me for my behavior right?) So all my mom's sister say shit like "pay for your own, you have money" and "you're the one who's study" I was pretty burning that night. I was going to create a scene but I can't be the rude niece in the family right? 'sighed' I told my mom that if I didn't control my mental state I might cause a scene that they might be angry at me in the end so I just smile at them. While waiting for them to leave, my parents were with me and I told them "don't persuade me if I don't want to go to another family gathering because I might skip it till 2020 and I don't want to see any of this people" Dad were confuse at first. But I told him I can make my own decision now that doesn't consist any things that might violate any rules that had been stated.
I already pack my bags and all I need to do is register my classes and student registration. Also I need to run an errands with N on Sunday. I need the grocery member card so I could run an errand. My parents told me he want to help but I told them it's okay. I can do it on my own. Apparently this prove that I'm actually a young adult not a kid anymore.
Maybe after I've done all of this I'm going to reward myself and I plan what I'm going to do. I'm going to watch how to train your dragon 3! I've been waiting for the movie for a while before the movie "After" If it got banned from my country I just went online to watch it. Thank god the university's wifi work for iflix if it didn't I might spend the whole day sleeping like I don't give a damn ( Housemate hate this shit alot, say I don't have work to do besides sleeping). Apparently I do, I do have works to do it's just I don't want to stress myself. When I stress myself it turn me into someone that I try to prevent.
I try to explain it but they just ignore what I trying to say. I'm healthy on the outside but my head it fill with so many useless things that I shouldn't focus on. By that I use to treat it by writing. Just pour everything out from my brain. It's good because my mom say it's not healthy if you keep it. I prefer people who's anonymous read it. People who know me doesn't understand me. I give up trying to make them understand infact I just be what I want myself to be.
I want to people out there who's despise my accomplishment and also my attendance, I did all of this till this very state because of what I want to do, I'm standing here and be where I am now because of my late grandma's dream, I am here because I want to make my parents proud for who I am, the way my thinking is critical because I just know that I always think critically that always make me overthinking most of the days, I do all of this because on my own will not by force, I observe people around me and turn them into a subject into my head and try to figure them out, I did force myself to like people who I despise the most it took me 3 takes but after the 4th take I gave up trying to force myself to accept someone who I despise the most, I forgive people who deserve it and a second chance, I have social anxiety (still dunno why I want to work at the education), to me not everyone is worth to treat like a piece of shit. People who isn't worth the kindness from the people is the people who can't keep things for themselves, who brag about people and give out their name. It' better they keep it to themselves or their small groups. I think this explanation is the scale of 4 because there's no violent words of any aggressive word in my writing. My idol is my mentor because from how he talk with people and how he interact with people around him impressed me.
ES'138
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