Hall of Fame
Hey people and good morning (2:54am)
I really hate insomnia, I don't drink coffee. I only drink coffee when I have migraine or loads of assignment but since I'm used to go to bed late. This happen. Sleepless night. So... it's 2018 and still no news from J which is sucks but one thing that I know is to move on. I try, I did try everyday. It's frustrating sometimes when someone that you need the most just left like that.
But oh well, it's just not my luck and I don't care. I just need to focus on myself for now. It's stressful and I'm trying to reward myself everyday by trying to be good to people. I'm suck at that especially to people who being rude to me, suddenly pissed at me, people that I dislike and someone who try to bait themself as my victim (basically I don't point my fingers at anyone or blame). My dad say that my PR sucks. The way that I communicate with people. But seriously if I talk softly people would think what did she just say? So I raise my voice a little bit. And I'm being called rude in the end. BTW the lady that I talk to is one of my dad's colleague. I'm not rude. I respect people who's older than me. But I didn't know I should show high respect to my dad's colleague. I just saw them as people who's older than me and not someone who's divine or whatever.
I get it that being a teenager is tough as fuck. Terrible temper, want to do things the way they want, never take no as an answer, always want to do the opposite things, do thing that make them regret in the future, go break the rules, go against their parents word. I've been there and done that. I've done 20% of terrible things in my high school year. I admit it was not something that I'm proud of. When I think back, But until now I never bother to trying to act like a rebel teenager because to me what do I get from being a rebel teenager.
So far from my experience is that I'm young and I still have a very long journey and I'm taking baby steps for now cause I don't want to rush things out like make myself look older than my age. still do my parents a favor by not growing up to fast. A 20 year old girl like me learn alot of things whether they leave me sweet memory nor bittersweet. There's ups and down in life. We just have to dealt with it like move on and learn from our mistake. I don't really want to force myself to do stuff that I don't want to do. We're a human being, we make mistake alot, we're not perfect but we can fix of what we have done.
So as I was saying is that life has their own steps. It's like a river. You have 2 choices whether you want to flow with the river or go against it. Most of the time I go against it because I usually think before I do some stuff or follow what people asked me to.
You have a life that have been given to you since you came to the world, you're the one who made decision for yourself and not other people. There's so many path out there for you to walk. Make wise decision and stop trying to please other people because no matter how hard you try it won't be enough and you have to try harder till you broken. They not worth it, but you did! If they don't accept you for who you are and don't respect you decision, it's better for you to leave them behind and ignore them. You're the one who create your own story of life not them. You are the one who hold the book in your arm, not them. Life was never fair. It's the fact and the reality. And the only way to do it you grip it and do something that can make you happy and satisfied with your life
All that I'm saying is because I let people get to me more than one times. trying to please people (family), mental breakdown, trying to make people accept me for who I am, going with the flow eventhough at that time I know I've hurt someone before, I've done all of this for the last 16 years. I know that I've change alot after the age of 12. I've grown colder toward people. Being around people is never my thing. Positive vibe like right now? not a chance. Spending the day in my room with books all around me is my favourite. I don't really have alot of friends at school but all those fictional characters such as Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and Bella Swan they became my friend through the books. I've read the book and slowly and slowly I get to get out from my comfort zone and see the world. They teach me so many things about life. I've learn the meaning of family not from my family, I learn it from the movie that I watch from the tv and Runningman (which has touched me for a very long time). Some people may called me dumb or stupid by learning the meaning of it from other people than my own blood but sometimes even your own family member is the one who stab you in the back.
So this is all for tonight, I injured my shoulder again. Superr.... So later then
E'S138
I really hate insomnia, I don't drink coffee. I only drink coffee when I have migraine or loads of assignment but since I'm used to go to bed late. This happen. Sleepless night. So... it's 2018 and still no news from J which is sucks but one thing that I know is to move on. I try, I did try everyday. It's frustrating sometimes when someone that you need the most just left like that.
But oh well, it's just not my luck and I don't care. I just need to focus on myself for now. It's stressful and I'm trying to reward myself everyday by trying to be good to people. I'm suck at that especially to people who being rude to me, suddenly pissed at me, people that I dislike and someone who try to bait themself as my victim (basically I don't point my fingers at anyone or blame). My dad say that my PR sucks. The way that I communicate with people. But seriously if I talk softly people would think what did she just say? So I raise my voice a little bit. And I'm being called rude in the end. BTW the lady that I talk to is one of my dad's colleague. I'm not rude. I respect people who's older than me. But I didn't know I should show high respect to my dad's colleague. I just saw them as people who's older than me and not someone who's divine or whatever.
I get it that being a teenager is tough as fuck. Terrible temper, want to do things the way they want, never take no as an answer, always want to do the opposite things, do thing that make them regret in the future, go break the rules, go against their parents word. I've been there and done that. I've done 20% of terrible things in my high school year. I admit it was not something that I'm proud of. When I think back, But until now I never bother to trying to act like a rebel teenager because to me what do I get from being a rebel teenager.
So far from my experience is that I'm young and I still have a very long journey and I'm taking baby steps for now cause I don't want to rush things out like make myself look older than my age. still do my parents a favor by not growing up to fast. A 20 year old girl like me learn alot of things whether they leave me sweet memory nor bittersweet. There's ups and down in life. We just have to dealt with it like move on and learn from our mistake. I don't really want to force myself to do stuff that I don't want to do. We're a human being, we make mistake alot, we're not perfect but we can fix of what we have done.
So as I was saying is that life has their own steps. It's like a river. You have 2 choices whether you want to flow with the river or go against it. Most of the time I go against it because I usually think before I do some stuff or follow what people asked me to.
You have a life that have been given to you since you came to the world, you're the one who made decision for yourself and not other people. There's so many path out there for you to walk. Make wise decision and stop trying to please other people because no matter how hard you try it won't be enough and you have to try harder till you broken. They not worth it, but you did! If they don't accept you for who you are and don't respect you decision, it's better for you to leave them behind and ignore them. You're the one who create your own story of life not them. You are the one who hold the book in your arm, not them. Life was never fair. It's the fact and the reality. And the only way to do it you grip it and do something that can make you happy and satisfied with your life
All that I'm saying is because I let people get to me more than one times. trying to please people (family), mental breakdown, trying to make people accept me for who I am, going with the flow eventhough at that time I know I've hurt someone before, I've done all of this for the last 16 years. I know that I've change alot after the age of 12. I've grown colder toward people. Being around people is never my thing. Positive vibe like right now? not a chance. Spending the day in my room with books all around me is my favourite. I don't really have alot of friends at school but all those fictional characters such as Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and Bella Swan they became my friend through the books. I've read the book and slowly and slowly I get to get out from my comfort zone and see the world. They teach me so many things about life. I've learn the meaning of family not from my family, I learn it from the movie that I watch from the tv and Runningman (which has touched me for a very long time). Some people may called me dumb or stupid by learning the meaning of it from other people than my own blood but sometimes even your own family member is the one who stab you in the back.
So this is all for tonight, I injured my shoulder again. Superr.... So later then
E'S138
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