Noah - Jalani Mimpi

Hey, I don't exactly know what I want to talk about today. I feel a bit under the weather but I still can cope with my feelings. I barely stop smiling as always cause I don't want to spoil everyone mood. I mean't I'm an adult I can do everything that I want but not everything. There still a huge wall that separate me from the adult world. I don't want to rush things. I just want to take time or just fool around. 17 more days till 2018. I try my best to make it a perfect ending of 2017 but it's hard. I feel like something pull me behind from walking forward. I just want to be free for once. I have nothing to worry about. I want to smile sincerely not because of other people but because I felt something. I could cope with my depression now and then. And yes it always end make me cry. Next year, I'm going to look for a job. 19 year old kid just finish her high school and jobless which is totally normal I guess hahahahaha.... I have one wish that's please took care of my feelings and please don't let any guy enter my heart. For now, no. I'm going to deny it but I found my type of guy and I have feelings for him but it's difficult as damn. Like literally difficult for me. I just want to be like hey but I notice the guy that I have feeling for is barely notice me which is sucks. My sister practically ruin everything. I swear I just want to be mad at her. I am frustrated sometimes. Like dammit! why can't I be happy. Everything that happen to me is in half. It always end with a not so happy ending. I don't really know what to do anymore sometimes. I just want to be like show people how frustrating I am sometimes. I'm tired of hiding in this stupid shell. I just want to do what I want as long it doesn't go against the law. I just want to take a walk at night without any fear. I want to drive to town at night with someone drive the car for me while I enjoy the cold air. I just want to be with someone who could hold me in their arm while I cry and laugh with me about my stupid sense of humor. I just want those things for once. Just once. And ofcourse it's impossible. I'm just tired of acting like everything is okay while it's not. Nothing is okay with me. I just want to be gone sometimes. Go somewhere alone by my own. Drive somewhere where I could find peace instead of stuck in my room as if I'm on house arrest which is sucks! 

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